6 Let this be my heart and soul: this title was also spoken from within me, and I exaggerated the writing of these three sentences to them.

 

6. I have some things to do that make me feel dignified when I start doing it myself. At such moments, the accusing idiots inside me gather and use the habit I have learned to take matters into their own hands and take over the work that begins with prestige. Now what do you say to that, what carelessness, indifference! They are tearing me away from me by neglecting me. In such cases, I am overwhelmed by the hostile orders of men or women, by the insufferable orders of the insu-gins, or by the various subjugations of my soul. I'm sorry. It is precisely for this prestige that I, during the period or moment of my possession, will be completely exchanged with them, forcing them to become the full masters of my body, my body, and my speech. There are people inside me who are always waiting for me to speak, and at such times they take over my body and suddenly prevent me from speaking. It's as if in a game of prestige, career, or honor, they're telling me that they're going to have a hard time in my future, as if I'm going to go out of my way to always be dull. But that’s not the reason the game is going on, and there hasn’t been an event that can convincingly say that they’ve still found a stalemate in my efforts in the near future. However, the only thing they can do so far is to give two hands to the elders of our family as I come to believe that what I consider to be my honorable work, based on my usual, learned actions, and that I will continue to do so. An example of this is when I simply start working on my routine. As soon as I get close to the door to work in my shop, there is such a madness attack. When I am commanded to do other household chores, it is such a madness attack that those inside me come to the surface, in complete control, to take control of my body and my body, my attention, or my life. In that case, I didn't know anything was going to happen. Like a crumpled or shattered fist from the outside, small black waves, in a fit of rage, penetrate into the points and places of my body, where my soul is in the spotlight. These waves or black lines, a mixture of strings (saxophones) make me feel uncomfortable, as if I'm playing with my soul. Even if my next words or actions are still thought out or motivated by previous reasons, I feel “in a trance”. Feeling we have 'Run out of gas' emotionally. I try indifferently, as if I were a stranger to myself, as if I were forced to speak or take my life out of everything I had in my mind. When the insides and the ins and outs are in a careless state, they are considered blind to the satisfaction of living under the high pressure of the victor. In the beginning, they were in their place as a person younger than me, and they tried to repeat or repeat me, to write my past in this way, and now they call me "tuff" and equate themselves with people older than me. they are serving. One wonders why you step on someone else's face when you've been around for so long !? They're trying to seduce me and my brother now. Here, in my current work or manuscript, new words are used, such as ignorance, inflection. My insides say, "If you write new words, they will come." This means that in contrast to my inner self, which is taking over my future body and my verbal words and shaking my soul within me, I am trying new words in writing by torturing them. Even now, when I'm thinking a little about what to write, it's as if a god or someone inside me is making me angry again, forcing me to write simple things. From these simple cases, I have to review the most relevant events in my writing. If the people inside me, the genders or the spirits make fun of me when they know me, and then what I say corresponds to their ridiculous answers, then they are considered to have really known what I said beforehand. It would even be inappropriate for me to say that against the ridicule of riding an angry horse. If they had, they would have known in advance that I was angry. To be more precise, they are in my body, in my place, talking through me. So, I come up with ideas, and to see them flush it out, it's really fun. An example of this has just happened to me. As you can see, most of the time, when I write, I immediately write about it. Of course, these notes are self-explanatory, and before that, I realize that I was aware of my condition under the influence of yesterday's notes. That’s probably why, unlike my notes from yesterday or the day before and the things that happened during the day, I have to write about the madness attack of my soul. According to what I said last night, the body belongs to me, the soul belongs to humanity. At the same time, it is as if humanity has been suffering from physical pressure all day long, from yesterday to today. Probably a factor as to why they're doing so poorly.